I have been having a really tough time with the mental illness I have been struggling with over a good share of my life but, it’s really kicked up a notch in the past 10 years. I have good and bad days and am in the midst of some bad days. While struggling with hanging on, the question of “doing what’s right” hasn’t been a question at all. God is here, as is the Lord, holding my hand through it all.
How do I know this? While others struggle in the world to make sense of things, I know why I suffer. I know where it’s going to lead and I know it will end, meaning it isn’t eternal. I know that while I struggle and suffer, I continue to work as much as I can and to magnify my callings even though I don’t feel well. I don’t ask why, I already know why. I don’t ask to have my suffering removed, I ask for strength to endure it.
I’ve had the misfortune of watching the adversary turn the hearts of man stone cold and dark. You can see these children of God swallowed whole in the lies of the adversary like a dark fog and that fog is growing every day.
The adversary flirted with me over the 12 years I was inactive and the enticement was strong too, I was pelted on all sides to cave in, to become one with the adversary and to denounce the good and embrace the bad. So what made me repent and choose the Right?
Common sense says when you have 1 foot in righteousness and 1 foot in unrighteousness, the gap widens and you are forced to decide one side or the other. You cannot straddle both sides. Not that as children of God we haven’t tried. History is replete (as is the bible and Book of Mormon) with examples.
The adversary flirts with the children of God by enticing them with the fruit that will only lead to death. The fruit’s sweetness is a lie but it’s spreading like wildfire everywhere like an obnoxious weed that you cannot get rid of.
The sad part, while I struggle to make ends meet on a wicked secular program designed to supposedly help the severely disabled (of which I am), tell the truth, keep honest and live as frugally and as righteously as I can, I have family members cheating, abusing and dishonest on the same system as I am and they have no problem existing.
I stopped asking what I was doing wrong. I’m not doing anything wrong, that’s why I am having a hard time of it. As much as the adversary would just love it, I won’t change my ways no matter how hard the adversary tries to push me to the other side. I am becoming prepared for the storm. I’ve started to batten down the hatches and to store up for a harsh storm ahead. It’s in my nature to survive and not give up.
I chose the Right because I would rather struggle and live the way I’m supposed to live than live the adversary’s plan. I’ve seen how the adversary’s plan works and I’ve seen the future of those who follow that plan. It’s not something I want.
In the room I work in, I am constantly asked by the Atheists why I bother to be honest, a “goody two shoes” or in essence a good little Mormon lady. I tell them I know where I’m going when I die and I know what happens when I live my life unrighteously, indulging on all the earthly and carnal delights, cheating, lying and disobeying Heavenly Father’s commandments. The fleeting instant gratification is not worth losing eternal life with Heavenly Father.
It’s my testimony that while times are hard, if we continue to choose the right, even in the face of adversity, whatever the adversary throws our way, we’ll make it through. Do what is right, let the consequence follow, we can choose the right or the wrong but, we are not free to choose the consequences for our choices. The reward or punishment given is Heavenly Father’s to make.